Some thoughts on marriage – and I swear I’ll bring it back to food.
April 3rd was my two year anniversary. It’s kind of hard for me to believe that I have already been married for two years. I adore my husband. He is my rock. And sometimes, I want to kill him (and he wants to kill me).
Neil is a few years older than me and we grew up in the same hometown. We went to the same high school and when I was 16 and he had just graduated we went to a toga party where I got way too drunk, chased him around a basement, kissed him for a fleeting moment before I ended up dry heaving in his mouth and promptly escorted myself to the bathroom. Needless to say the story went down as my most embarrassing moment and I was happy that I didn’t see him again. That was, until 10 years later when a mutual friend mentioned that Neil was moving to New York. I semi-repeated history and chased him down via Facebook. We started chatting over gmail and a few months later when he moved to New York we started dating. I was smitten early on and knew that this was the man I was going to marry.
I had previously been in a 6-year relationship with a really great guy, but we weren’t right for each other. As much as we fought to try to make it work, the bottom line was we wanted two different lives. It was difficult to end, but from my professional stalking skills I see that he is happily married to a beautiful woman living the life he always wanted to live. I like to think we groomed each other for the real thing.
So when the real thing did come along I clung to it. 16-months later we were engaged and here we are, married for two years. While watching the Oscars this year I teared up during Ben Affleck’s acceptance speech. And when he got to thanking his wife, I just about lost it. In all honesty, I was pms-ing, so I was a bit more sensitive than usual, but still. I thought it was the most heartfelt, honest and loving thank you to his wife. Marriage is hard work. It’s not a constant walk in the park with rainbows and sunshine. But it’s the best damn thing I’ve ever done and I wouldn’t want to be walking through life with any other partner. The next morning I was raving about the speech and most people who I talked to about it had the complete opposite reaction – they thought he was insulting his wife.
I stumbled upon this article that states, “If you’re partnered for life, if you’re fighting this good fight against biology, then you understand that — and you see that there is nothing Affleck could have said that would have honored his wife, and HER work, more.” I couldn’t agree more.
Now back to food. Neil and I decided we wanted a nice home cooked meal for our anniversary. My best friend always talks about a lamb recipe she makes, so I called her up for the details. Rosemary, garlic, honey, lamb-loin chops. Delicious! I tweaked her recipe just a bit and added some dijon mustard. This is what I came up with, and it was honestly the best meat I’ve ever made in my life. I paired the meat with roasted potatoes and asparagus and started the meal off with my aunt’s caesar salad. Neil played bartender and made a round of delicious cocktails and then we opened a fancy bottle of red wine.
The evening was perfect. After dinner we watched our wedding video. In my dad’s speech he talked about how when times get tough during our marriage, which they no doubt would, that we should look at each other, think about our beginning, reminisce about our wedding and say “I remember why we did this.” While we watched the speech on our second anniversary Neil took my hand, squeezed it hard and said, “I remember and I promise never to forget.” While my stomach may not flip anymore with his every phone call and text message, and his half-smile and affectionate stare can no longer immediately get him out of trouble, he has my heart. Forever and always. He is my partner and our marriage is the most important job I have. It’s good, it is work, but it’s the best kind of work, and there’s no one I’d rather work with. Thank you, Ben Affleck.